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Sunday, March 1, 2015

28 Reasons I Hate the Month of February

February, you are a terrible month and I hate you. Here's why:

  1. It's the farthest away from both Christmas and spring - like wintertime no man's land.
  2. It has no good holidays. Groundhog Day is a way better movie than the actual day. Valentine's Day is, let's face it, a glorified Hallmark holiday designed to get people to spend money on roses, chocolates, and sappy cards... or to feel bad about themselves if they are single.
  3. It always feels colder than January.
  4. People argue about whether to pronounce it "Feb-rew-ary" or "Feb-you-ary." Who cares! Both sound stupid.
  5. It eats the last slice of pie and doesn't even say sorry.
  6. It's the shortest month of the year, yet it feels the longest.
  7. It contains the birthday of someone I hate. You know who you are.
  8. The only cool thing about it - Leap Day, aka February 29 - happens only once every four years. Like the Olympics, except nobody looks forward to it.
  9. It's horribly dark because the days are so short, yet there's no relief from Daylight Savings Time "spring ahead" until March.
  10. There's no good sports on TV. March Madness for basketball is in, you guessed it, March. Baseball's opening day isn't until April. Football's Super Bowl is of course awesome, but it's just a one-day thing. (No, hockey doesn't count as a good sport to watch on TV. Sorry.)
  11. By February you're sick of wearing winter clothes, and it's still 10 degrees outside, but the stores are selling swimsuits. Why?!
  12. Tax season begins. Boo.
  13. Fewer Fridays in the month = fewer paychecks = sadness.
  14. It spits when it talks.
  15. Everyone has cabin fever from being stuck inside all winter with nowhere to go.
  16. It's too cold for garage sales. 
  17. Lent begins, which isn't bad, but lots of idiots use it as an excuse to "give up" something random, like a second chance at their New Year's resolutions.
  18. It claims to be the month of love, but it's actually the month of hate. Because I hate it. A lot.
  19. It sounds too much like January (another month I have little use for). I might like February more if we called it Febtember or Febril - which I think means "fever" in Spanish. As in cabin fever!
  20. It's Black History Month. Ok fine, but where is my English-German-Scots Irish mutt history month?!
  21. It has Chinese New Year - way less fun than regular New Year. And no fireworks or alcohol.
  22. It's the THIRD month of winter (in a row!), so by now you're definitely sick and tired of the cold and snow! Bogus, man.
  23. It's a jerk. Seriously, it keyed my friend's car last year. Such a jerk!
  24. It's the literal midpoint of the school year, but it's a month past Christmas break and a month before spring break. So all the kids (and teachers) are burnt out and depressed from overwork (and seasonal affective disorder, due to lack of sunshine).
  25. Yoko Ono was born in February. Think about it. If February didn't exist, she'd never have been born and the Beatles would never have broken up.
  26. It takes candy from babies and pushes down old ladies (with ice).
  27. It's March's annoying little brother, whom you have to hang out with if you wanna see March, but it always breaks your toys and gets you in trouble.
  28. It comes EVERY year. Seriously, wouldn't once a decade be enough?
Today is March 1. Thank goodness! FINALLY spring is in sight!

Goodbye, February, and good riddance! 

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